Archive for June, 2011


The Kaelin Cleanse – Day 3 – A New Hope

Welcome back…

At this point I am writing to you immediately after finishing the history on Day 2.  Bored and awake I figure I can use my time to post and re-post.  I was trolling sports channels trying to find some NBA playoff highlights as the game was outstanding and I am left wanting more.  Dirk is my hero at the moment.  The hero outfit is pretty easy to fill right now. Beat Lebron James and I anoint you with tights and keys to the city.  In all seriousness, I have watched and played basketball all of my life and this game was thrilling from the opening bucket to the final buzzer.

Dear D Wade,

Please try and lose that ungodly weight you’ve added this season. 


People who think LBJ is a dick

All of this NBA playoff banter has distracted me from food (Cheeseburgers) and beverage (beer).  I mean really, who sits around indulging during the playoffs?


  • Wake up early and start the day with a new hope – the protein shake
  • Brought to you by the makers of concrete mix and your suspiciously un-trusting colon, we present ISOGENEX
  • Missing the tea, but up for the shake
  • Body is struggling at the moment with nausea and pain… diagnosis unknown, but this has been the case for the last 8-10 weeks
  • Really great protein powder shake.  Not nearly as bad as it looks.  Hold off on the cement mixer for now.
  • Still putting back tons of water.  I made a huge tactical error and bought bottled water, as my green radar was down and didn’t think how environmentally unsound I was being.
  • An average time for a plastic bottle to biodegrade fully is approximately 450-1000 years x that by the 24 bottles in my blue bag and, well… you get the point.  Sorry friends.
  • Really trying hard to stay awake… nappies needed… going to soldier through
  • Eating a lot of fruit today.  The natural sugars are a bit of a boost and a nice change from cucumber ville.
  • Bowel movements will not be discussed in full, but you should know they are just fine at this point.
  • Having another detox blizzard for lunch.  Very easy on the stomach and depending on what you add (fruit, etc) is a feeling a treat!
  • Day 3 means not so much grazing, and focus’ on the protein supplement and one meal
  • Pass by Japhy’s quickly to see the progress on his backyard landscaping only to find he and my other mate the DMS eating BBQ’d sausages… mmmm
  • Both men understood the seriousness of my decision to stick to the plan, so the only thing I recall being offered was a Rye and Sausage water.  So tempting.
  • Tonight R and I dine like kings and queens – BBQ’d scallops and vegetables!
  • Of note:  On Friday night – before the cleanse began – I pulled out some of my own market sausages for grilling as I had forgotten about the detox starting Saturday.  Ravara was so kind and lovely as to throw those on the grill, and I indulged in one Italian fatty.  Best damn sausage I have ever had.  Last one for a very long time.
  • The night is upon us, and I am starting to fade.  Get some good facebook chat time in with Japhy… He is very supportive and has been along with me for the better part of a year (since moving to Guelph from Thailand).  He and I have had very in depth discussions regarding my health and his is uber supportive of me and some life decisions I have made lately.  Love that guy, his ear and his advice.
That’s a wrap for now… Heading into Day 7.  Day 9 will mark the end.
The Vanilla Gorilla